Crashout

  I'm so over this generation. I'm so over dating in general and I'm only fucking 16. I tried talking to this boy and brought things we like and hate with which mines was not being up front i literally told him " if you (generally) don't wanna talk to me say that instead of ghosting me or being mean that'll hurt worst". Tell why I got ghosted . And three hours before I went through his reposts like a detective and he was reposting a whole different situation I was distraught. Mind y'all pain meds dull your emotions too and it hurt but I wasn't crying. THE NEXT DAY I balled my eyes out the whole day I  thought I was  going to throw up. I still like him but it don't matter if the feeling is not the same. The whole point is I'm not boy-crazy or craving validation from dudes but after a while and seeing everyone else happy you start to wonder why me? I always get left in the dust meanwhile him and other people have caused me pain, trauma, and betrayal can sleep at night. I'm not happy to be honest I forgot the last time I was. I feel empty like there is a piece missing . I'm still learning to enjoy my own presence which is hard , I hate being alone but I have always been alone.Don't talking to people if you don't know what you want. By the first interaction or personal knowledge you should know . God brought me into this earth alone and I will die alone (in a grave by myself) even IF I get a husband I'll still be alone. It is what it is.🤷